In 2019, I moved from a busy city, London to a calmer place, Halifax in the UK. It is a lovely city located in the mountain ranges at high altitudes. With so many lush green public gardens and misty weather throughout the day, it feels blissful. People here are relaxed, contrary to the mad rush of Mumbai, London & New York streets. There are many sports clubs here, that encourages athletic fitness.
I joined the city-central sports club, which had a huge swimming facility. I was already a good swimmer but didn’t know how to dive. Honestly, I feared diving, as I was scared of deep waters & high altitudes. After finishing my swimming, I used to sit on the poolside & enjoy watching people dive from 20ft and 30ft heights, and pierce into the waters sharply, like a dolphin.
Later, I attempted to do the same, from the poolside. But, every time I fell flat on my stomach, that left a red burning patch on my tummy. However, my efforts didn’t stop. A few months later, I started slipping into the pool, like a seal. Though it didn’t look like a dive from any angle, that was my way of consolation.
One day, a strange thing happened. A small girl, around 3-4 yr aged, was swimming in the pool. Her father was convincing her to dive & she kept refusing. As I could gather from their talk, maybe she was also scared to dive, like me.
Father at once, said – “go on to the 5ft board, and just jump. I will be there in the pool to catch you”. Are you sure, asked the girl? To that, her father nodded a strong YES. I & my friends got interested to see the sequence of actions. We watched them. That sweet little girl just climbed the board and jumped off. Never did she think twice, before jumping. That was the conviction & commitment. All people in the pool were fascinated & clapped for her. I was elated too.
What happened next was nothing less than impossible. The girl said, daddy, now I want to try the bigger board. Will you catch me the same way? Father nodded a strong YES, again. Unknowingly, instead of 10ft, she started climbing the 20ft board. The entire crowd over there, almost 80-odd people, in & around the pool, stuck their eyes on her.
The crowd kept cheering her, at every step she climbed. 3 guards jumped into the pool and 2 others stood outside, with full readiness, to handle any emergencies. Her father looked confident, calm & poised. The guards looked tense as if the next 10 mins would decide their job existence. The anxiety was nothing short of the last ball of the India-Pakistan cricket match.
This girl reached the top of the 20ft board, opened her arms, walked a few steps on board, closed her eyes and jumped. In less than 3 sec, she was already down in her father’s arms.
The crowd went mad about her. People clapped, shouted and cheered in joy. The desk administrator was quick to announce a big surprise gift for that cute little girl. The atmosphere suddenly turned euphoric.
If that small little girl can do it, why not I? I hadn’t even confidently jumped off a 5ft board, but in over-excitement, I choose to stick my target to the same 20ft board. I was a 35 yr guy, inspired by a 3yr old, eyeing to get away with a fear of diving in 3 mins, that I reared for 35 long years. Strange, isn’t it? It sounded the same to me too.
While the rest of the crowd was rejoicing at the earlier event, I slowly started climbing my target, which seemed like Mount Everest. My heart pounded faster than ever before. I was at the 8th step, and every next step was a mental barrier, & took much more time to climb.
My friends started noticing my steps. It was also catching the attention of the crowd because it wasn’t common to attempt 20ft board. I mustered some more courage and climbed to the 14th step, but then I was already dead within.
Looking at the height, I decided to get down and leave josh for some other day. Exactly the same time, someone at the far end of the pool shouted – “we have one more brave heart for today. Let us cheer for him”. Suddenly, all remaining eyeballs fell on me. With their cheer, I climbed to the top of the board. For the first time in my life, I saw a swimming pool 50ft deep, from a height of 20ft.
Being at such a height, I started shivering. I tried to put a small step forward on the board, but couldn’t even dare to step backwards. I wished someone could come & pick me up from there. Every time I stepped back, it grabbed more and more attention.
I started trembling as if I had a 105F fever. My mind went numb. There was absolute silence. The situation was as tense as that of a complicated pregnancy, attempting a natural delivery. Nick of time, the administrator announced – “we already had one brave girl for today. And if you too, do it, I will distribute free chocolates to everyone here”. People cheered, and there was some respite of tension.
I made another attempt & came 2 steps forward on the board. But I still couldn’t face the fear of heights, and it aggravated. I was afraid to jump, but even more afraid to carry the fear, into my 36th year & beyond. Once again, silence crept in. Unlike for that little girl, where the crowd was cheering and making noise, the same crowd had become mum, watching every inch of my foot movement, in grave muteness. It seemed the euphoria in the air, had just turned into a death mourning.
I decided to jump on a count of 10. I closed my eyes, got my ears dumb & started counting. At the count of 10, I was still there on the board. I realized no more planning would help. With open eyes & open arms, I took a few steps forward & jumped off the board. I lost my breath for a few seconds. In shock, I even forgot to swim. But the guards were prepared and helped me. When I raised my head out of the water, I saw the sheer pleasure of applause all around. I was out of my dread zone, forever. I thanked everyone for being supportive that day.
Fast forward, 6 months down the line, I am a fairly better diver. Now, I have picked up some style aspects, and enjoy diving.
The same is the case for every other fear that we hold. It could be fear of public speaking, publishing articles, leading a team for the first time, or could be phobias etc. I am sure many would resonate with this fact.
Fear is a common thing & is a natural response to certain situations. It ignites survival mechanisms, to save us from danger. However, not all kinds of fears are helpful.
Fear mainly is of 2 types –
- Fear of real, physical threats & dangers
These are the threats that could endanger comfortable living or even the existence of life.
Ex – Someone who doesn’t know swimming, might fear deep waters. Someone who doesn’t know rock climbing might fear the Rocky Mountains, etc.
So, these kinds of fears are actually good, as they caution to move away from the danger of drowning/falling. This stream of fears could be addressed, by learning the skill (swimming, rock climbing).
- Fear of mental, imagined dangers
These are the treats that are mostly mentally envisaged. These cause no real physical harm. However, this kind of fears curtails us from trying new virtues, and exploring new opportunities, thus abstaining us from new growth & accomplishments.
Ex – Fear of public speaking, fear of meeting new people, fear of missing out, fear of diving, fear of failure, fear of flying etc.
This stream of fears could be overcome by making a bold attempt to try things for atleast one time, thus breaking the mental barrier.
The intensity of mental fear is a factor of 3 primary things:
- For how long you have not done the feared activity
- Outcome expectations of self & others from that activity
- Past Experience/ outcome of the event.
Often, the hardest part of overcoming mental fears is getting started. Once a person decides to go for it, it’s really surprising to see how quickly the fear melts away. More than 70% of the fear vanishes, by just attempting it for the first time. Rest will subsequently subside, by practising it more & more.
So, just step on the stage and utter a few sentences. Similarly, just dive off the board and you are done.
*Pls, note – In addressing both types of fears, it’s always recommended to seek supervision/ guidance from an expert or someone who knows it well.
Summary
To summarize, Fear is a common thing, and can be very well over-ridden. So, whenever you are stuck in fear, don’t fly away. Have conviction, commit to it. Associate yourself with supportive, inspiring people & mentors. Take their help, and navigate through the fear, at ATLEAST ONE SINGLE TIME. After the first attempt, fear of that activity vapours away and it will not be a mental barrier for the rest of the life.
Nearly everyone has fear in some form, for some activities. If I had returned that day without jumping, then the fear of diving would have stayed with me forever. So, just take the first bold step and get away with the fear, forever. The greatest things happen outside that fear zone. The world appreciates those who step beyond their fears.
